A beautiful boy who was often seen skateboarding through the neighborhoods of our area. He was so looking forward to his 16th birthday, the holidays, and seeing his teammates in the upcoming swim season. He was planning ahead and saving up to buy his first car – on his own. He was proud of himself for earning a job as a lifeguard and preparing to learn a third language in the upcoming school year. Honza had a 3.83 GPA his freshman year and loved spending time with his friends at the local karate dojo the first several years he lived in Utah. One of his favorite days of the week was Sunday- his special ski days with his mom. It was such a sacred day for him that he voluntarily left his beloved cell phone in the car.
When he was joking around, which was frequent, Honza’s bright blue eyes and big smile lit up a room, however, hidden beneath his beautiful smile was a darkness that he carried with him every day. In his first years growing up, he witnessed his biological father abuse his mother physically, sexually and verbally. He, himself, was a victim of verbal abuse as well as some other behaviors that continued during court mandated visits. Honza’s greatest fear was growing up and being like his biological father. While Honza’s disposition was nothing like his biological father’s, you repeat what you see. On the rare occasion Honza displayed behaviors like the ones he witnessed, it would not only scare him; it would send him into a deep depression. This depression led him into cutting himself to control the pain he was feeling.
Much can be said about social media and other events that took place in Honza’s life. Cyber bullying and the cruelty of his peers certainly amplified his already existing darkness. One final event took place a few days before the fateful Saturday when Honza was accused of a sexual behavior that resembled his biological father. Everything collided and crashed down on Honza at the same time. It was too much for him to bear, and the darkness took him.