“Nothing is impossible, the word itself says “I’m Possible!” – Audrey Hepburn (Actress)
This page will be a combination of what I learned with Honza and my own bouts with depression along with discussion and video from people you may know. A look at how they persevered through their own difficult times. There is so much information out there that we will break it down into small manageable posts.
Depression will not go away with the snap of your fingers. Regardless if you do this on your own or seek professional help it all comes down to you and you putting the effort in.
CONTENTS
DEPRESSION
OTHER THOUGHTS ON DEPRESSION
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
SELF-PERCEPTION
FAILURE
IMPULSIVITY
DEPRESSION
You are not alone. You aren’t the first person to suffer depression, and you won’t be the last. You can get through it. You may be able to do it yourself or with the help of friend, family member or therapist. But know that you will get to the other side and not only will you be okay but you will be stronger.
Honza’s depression led him to suicide. You won’t need to take it to that extreme, but you need to take the steps and more importantly want to take the steps.
“Suicide is not a remedy.”
– James A. Garfield (20th President of the U.S.)
First of all: Slow Down and Simplify.
In today’s world of speedy texting and instant replies on social media, we say Slow Down. We know this because of how impetuously Honza acted. He may still be here, if he had taken a few minutes to look at his list of why he was of value or enacted his safety plan.
Simplify. If you feel your life is complicated and you are overwhelmed then Simplify. Honza had a lot of negative or perceived negative actions come down on him his last week. Some of the issues were constantly in the background while others had happened that week and were temporary. When he took them on all at once, they crushed him. If he had taken on one or two of his issues at a time he would still be here.
Try this to slow down and simplify.
Your mind has around 70,000 thoughts per day. An astounding number. If you are suffering from depression a lot of these thoughts are dark and full of ‘noise’. Put down your phone and turn down the music. Now walk through the house or wherever you may be and listen. No thoughts just listen. Listen to the sounds of your breathing. Listen to the sound your feet make while moving across the floor. Listen to the sound the door knob makes when you turn it to go into a room. Listen to the sound the glass makes when you remove it from the shelf and the sounds of the liquid being poured into the glass. Do you hear any birds? A dog barking? A car passing by? Listen.
If you have trouble sleeping then listen to your breaths. Concentrate on the sounds of your breathing.
Try this for 60 seconds. The more often you do this the better you will be and the longer you will be able go.
When you have accomplished this you have just slowed yourself down and simplified the ‘noise’. When it comes back you can use this again to slow down and simplify.
A second step is to move your feet. Get up and go outside. “Moving your body gets you out of your physical environment. Your brain, your body and your mental health needs it.” – Mel Robbins (Author and TV Commentator)
Even a few laps around the block is beneficial. Now, leave your cell phone in the house. If social media is where some of the ‘noise’ is coming from then step away for a short time. Creatures on this planet have developed and prospered for millions of years without social media which means you can do without it for 30 minutes. Try.
Honza was home some his last spring and found that some of his stronger days were when he put the phone down and stepped away from it. Moving his feet wasn’t always easy for him but when he did even 30 minutes of exercise – in any form – he was more on top of the world. Some of those days his endorphins had kicked into overdrive and we couldn’t get a word in edgewise. 🙂
Respond to yourself. What would you say to a friend who is struggling with depression? Now, say that to yourself. How would you help this friend who is struggling? Now, help yourself the same way.
Honza used cutting to have some control over pain and healing. Another celebrity, Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson talks of his washing walls to have ‘control’ during his depression. Watch what he has to say here.
OTHER THOUGHTS ON DEPRESSION
“If you only had a week to live, would you spend time suffering over the little crap? Wouldn’t you be out watching the sunrise, smelling the air, listening to your favorite music, eating your favorite food or talking with someone who means a great deal to you? You would fill up that week with meaning. So then, the question is – why wait?
Don’t let what you are stop you from being what you can be.” – Jordan B. Peterson (Clinical Psychologist and Author)
Depression is normal. Normal to go through these seasons. There is chaos, there is a lack of order, there is confusion, there is craziness in your life. You need this turmoil to get rid of the impurities that allow the seed to grow to its fullest potential. These cycles help you to evolve and grow.
You can be grateful for it so you may reorder yourself at a higher level.
See it as winter. And winter always leads to spring and then summer.
Challenge yourself to get out of bed, get out of the house and most importantly get out of your own head.
Embrace what you can. Small steps.
If you have seen ‘Game of Thrones’ then you know Tyrion Lannister who is played by Peter Dinklage. You see how successful he his now but it wasn’t always that way. To begin with, there aren’t that many specific roles that require someone that is 4’5” tall. He struggled for years to make it where he is today. He failed often but kept moving forward and at the age of 29 he was given his first role in a play. That play led to another role which led to another role and nine years later he became Tyrion Lannister.
NEGATIVE THOUGHTS
Take your life in small steps. Simplify. You don’t have to accept your thoughts. They are just thoughts. Take a moment and listen to the sounds around you.
With 70,000 thoughts per day spinning in your head, it sure gets cluttered up there. You are full of both negative and positive thoughts. You are not alone in this. Everyone has negative thoughts go through their mind at some point during the day. This video will help explain it for you.
Lisa Esile (Tiny Buddah) has this to say:
“You don’t actually have to believe your thoughts. It’s as simple as that.
Your mind would like you to believe that all of your thoughts are correct. One of the ways it does this is by having you think that you and it are one. The truth is your mind is just one part of you; it isn’t you.
Being able to separate your thoughts from your sense of self is one of the most useful things you can do. Try this: think of yourself as being made up of four parts.
- Mind
- Physical body
- Heart
- Spiritual aspect
This means: You. Are. Not. Your. Mind. Your mind is just a tool for you to use.
Feeling solidly peaceful and contented occurs when your mind is quiet, or in the moments, no matter how small, when you remember that you don’t have to believe your thoughts.
Or, as I like to say, ”I don’t feel bad; my mind does!”
One thing I find helpful for dealing with a long held critical belief is to treat it like a game.
I think to myself, what if I didn’t believe this, even for a few seconds? The result is always strangely exhilarating. I can actually feel what it’s like to not believe it. (And sometimes it does only last for a few seconds!)
You can get positive about negative thoughts.
There’s nothing wrong with choosing to have a positive thought. Just know that the negative thought didn’t matter in the first place. It probably wasn’t true and it doesn’t “mean” things about you.
When you jump on “negative” thoughts and reject them in a knee-jerk way, you’re saying to yourself, “I’m not good enough. If I were good enough, I wouldn’t have had that thought in the first place.”
This is at least as negative as the initial thought.
It may seem a subtle difference, but that tiny step of noticing the thought and not believing it is where the growth lies. And the more you do this, the less “negative thoughts” you have and the easier it is to recognize them when you have them.
People think that “thinking positively” is the way to healing, but the quickest way is to first accept that the only reason you feel bad in the first place is because you’re listening to the rubbish your mind is telling you.
You could try and figure out where your negative thoughts come from—but since they’re just based on faulty beliefs, why not just ignore them?
Learning to ignore the voice inside our head telling us we’re not good enough, not worthy of love, and so on is what we’re here to do. Next time you have a thought that makes you feel uneasy, try this:
Notice your thought, as in: ah, hello, thought. I know you’re not real; you are just a thought. Oh well, you can stay there if you like, but I have things to do today so I’m just going to go ahead and do them.
Then if you want to think a positive thought, go right ahead!”
Here is an interesting item. Honza struggled putting dishes in the dishwasher. When he did. he often would just dump it in a pile. Surprisingly, he liked unloading it and putting it all back in its proper place. He didn’t like the dirty (negative) but liked the clean (positive).
The following is for you to know and consider.
Perfection doesn’t exist. No one is perfect. No one ever has been. No one ever will be. A toxic person is one that tells you they are. Stay clear of their negative impact.
Surround yourself with positive people. You really don’t have to ‘friend’ everyone on Facebook. You get to choose.
If you need to, make two lists: one that lists the people that have a positive impact on you and the second list with the names of the people that have a negative impact on you. Keep the positive people around you. You can be cordial and friendly to the negative people, but you don’t have to include them in your life. This is important just because they have a negative impact on you doesn’t mean they are open game on social media. Don’t fall into that negative trap.
“Weak people revenge. Strong people forgive. Intelligent people ignore.”
– Albert Einstein
Read positive quotes. Then go walk around the neighborhood reciting them to yourself.
Move out of your immediate environment.
Honza was grumpiest when he spent significant time playing video games and when he was overindulgent with social media. He was happiest when he was outside skateboarding, swimming, skiing, camping or when spending time with friends. Think of that. It was toxic when he was sitting staring at a screen and stimulated when he was out and moving around. Barbecuing in the backyard was another event where his endorphins kicked in.
If you are struggling to help yourself then go help someone else. Help a friend, volunteer, be a manager of a school sport, visit a senior citizen center, etc.
“It takes but one positive thought when given a chance to survive
and thrive to overpower an entire army of negative thoughts.”
– Robert H. Schuller (Clergyman)
SELF-PERCEPTION
This one can be a big one too as part of the ‘noise’ in your head. Too much worrying about what others think. Suffering comes when we obsess about ourselves.
Do you physically see yourself differently than others do? Yes.
You most commonly see yourself in the mirror which is an opposite image. If you are standing in front of a mirror while wearing a shirt, you see the lettering backwards. If you are talking to someone while wearing the same shirt, they will read it forward. It goes to show that you physically see yourself opposite of what others see you. It’s not better or worse just not the same.
One of the best illustrations on how people see themselves differently is a short video made by Dove Soap. I think it is pretty powerful.
“You can’t hate your way into loving yourself.Telling yourself what a failure you are won’t make you any more successful. Telling yourself you’re not living up to your full potential won’t help you reach a higher potential. Telling yourself you’re worthless and unlovable won’t make you feel any more worthy or lovable.
I know it sounds almost annoyingly simple, but the only way to achieve self-love is to love yourself—regardless of who you are and where you stand and even if you know you want to change.
You are enough just as you are. And self-love will be a little bit easier every time you remind yourself of that.” – Madison Sonnier from the Tiny Buddah
If there is something you don’t like about yourself…change it. You are in charge of you.
Believe. In. Your. Self.
“If nothing ever changed, there’d be no butterflies.”
– Unknown
“Don’t be afraid to fail. Be afraid not to try.”
– Several Authors
Some of the ‘noise’ going on in your head can be contributed to feeling like a failure or having a fear of failure. Know this – failure is good. Failure is a lesson. Failure is something to grow from. Overcoming failure is a strength. Failure is one step closer to success. You have that in you.
Will Smith, actor and rap singer, has this to say on how he embraces failure.
James Dyson, the inventor of the Dual Cyclone bagless vacuum cleaner had this to say, “Enjoy failure and learn from it. You can never learn from success.” James Dyson had 5126 prototype failures before his invention worked.
Thomas Edison – As an inventor, Edison made 1,000 unsuccessful attempts at inventing the light bulb. When a reporter asked, “How did it feel to fail 1,000 times?” Edison replied, “I didn’t fail 1,000 times. The light bulb was an invention with 1,000 steps.”
Michael Jordan, the greatest basketball player of all-time, had this to say about his failures.
“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”
– Winston Churchill (Prime Minister of the United Kingdom, British Statesman)
IMPULSIVITY
“Impulsive behavior” is defined as, ‘acting suddenly, while ignoring the consequences of the behavior’. Think before you act.
We know how impulsively Honza behaved and the result of this. So, the question is, how do you keep from making an impulsive decision? How do you slow down and simplify what is causing the behavior?
If Honza got too uptight about a circumstance we always encouraged him to do some type of physical activity. The physical activity allowed him to release some steam and slow down what was going on with him. The activity helped him clear his head from the ‘noise’ and he was then better able to deal with the situation. Every article I have read to this point has physical activity as a way to control impulsivity. You can see, again, changing the environment helps ease the circumstance.
I will be honest, he didn’t always want to do some sort of activity but when he did he felt better about everything. He was also old enough to understand how positive it was for him he but wouldn’t always do it.
Slow down. Take deep breaths. Count to 10.
Psychology Today has this to add to slow down your impulsivity:
Ask yourself, “How will I feel afterward.”
Remind yourself, “What feels good to do right now, may not be good for me later on.”
Commend yourself when you do show self-control.
Step away from the situation.
Keep a journal. Note when you slowed down and handled something well. Learn from when you didn’t handle something well.
This short video can give you a visual on how to best handle impulsive behavior.
YOUR SIMPLE TO DO LIST
Listen to the world around you. Just listen. Meditate.
Move. Step away from whatever depressed environment you are in right now.
Take a break from social media. Even a short one.
Verbiage. Use behavioral words for yourself rather than character words.
Help someone.
Surround yourself with positive people.
It’s up to you now. It’s all there for you, so take it. It’s yours.
“A positive attitude gives you power over your circumstances
instead of your circumstances having power over you.”
– Joyce Meyer (Author)
More Posts To Follow
Please note: We are not licensed in psychotherapy. We are giving you some things to think about that we learned during the suicide process. If you need further help please look to your school counselors or professional therapy.
National Suicide Prevention Line: 800-273-8255
To Text with someone on a Crisis Hotline: 741741.
If you need immediate help call 911.